Nessies are the new Jesus Horses

When I was a kid I went through a period where I was obsessed with the Loch Ness Monster and related mysterious critters. I read every book the library had, watched the relevant episodes of "In Search Of..." as many times as I could (I never saw the attempted revival with Mitch Pileggi, but I can't imagine he had the narrational gravitas of Leonard Nimoy) and as a result new an unusual (and probably socially unhealthy) amount about entities like Champ, the Flatwoods Monster, and assorted globsters. My dense layers of nerdness are represented by the fact that the first "Doctor Who" book I got was the novelization of "Terror of the Zygons" retitled for print as "Doctor Who and the Loch Ness Monster".

All these years later, the Zygons

are fondly remembered by fans as

classic monsters. The stop-motion

Nessie, not so much.



Although credulity has waned as I've learned more about science and critical thinking, I still love a good monster story. I love that the traditions continues with cryptids like the mapinguari and the ningen. When I'm out in the field surveying Georgia wetlands, I always keep a hopeful eye out for the skunk ape, because you never know...

That's the thing: it's difficult to prove something DOESN'T exist. Negatives in general are hard to prove. Nonetheless, it's telling that there's no hard evidence for any of the classic cryptids. As my wetland mentor Jake Duncan has said of Sasquatch, "if it existed, someone woulda run one of the things over with their pickup." While I don't want to see any Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) mowed down on the highway, that would be a great development for the cryptozoological community. When it comes to proving the existence of a life form, you gotta have a corpse.

The same skepticism that makes me require a body for my beloved monsters is what makes me doubt (at best) the existence of God, or gods. I just can't see any reason to think those stories are true, and many reasons for them NOT to be true. I consider myself an agnostic in theory, atheist in practice: while I admit that, like Nessie, God COULD exist, and I can't prove He, She, It, or They doesn't, it seems highly unlikely, and I would have to doubt that such a being really has an interest or intervenes in our affairs. (This might be a good general topic for discussion in a future blog post.) Furthermore, the widespread belief in such an entity (not to mention widespread beliefs in many things that are unprovable or, worse yet, demostrably false) has many dangerous effects. Therefore, I prefer to live my life assuming there's no God.

Nevertheless, as a sometime-anthropologist I maintain a general interest in religion and religious stories. Like Douglas Adams, “I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.” Therefore, it was with mixed horror and amusement that I saw this recent story: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/loch-ness-monster-used-debunk-evolution-state-funded-190816504.html

WOW. Just... wow. I was goggle-eyed, open-mouthed, and shaking for a full twelve seconds after reading that.

Besides just the... nuttiness of using one unprovable to try to prove another unprovable, this is an awful argument for some interesting reasons.

The first is that the textbook apparently tries to argue that dinosaurs may be alive today, and that this fact, if true, would disprove evolution. But it wouldn't: there are lots of animals still existing that predate the dinosaurs, like sharks and cockroaches,

But regardless of that, the truth appears to be that dinosaurs ARE still with us, in the form of birds. We eat dinosaurs and their eggs for meals. We keep dinosaurs as pets. Although the evolutionary history isn't yet completely clear, we know enough to say that at least some dinosaurs didn't go extinct - they just changed form.

"Chirp, I say... chirp."

Another remarkable aspect of the story is that they're apprently trying to use the possibility of Nessie being a survived plesiosaur. There's no question that that's a popular idea, given strength by the famous Surgeon's Photo of Nessie. But the thing is, plesiosaurs weren't dinosaurs. They were prehistoric reptiles, sure, but there were lots of prehistoric reptiles, and the term "dinosaur" applies only to two particular groups of those reptiles.

So, yeah... People can of course believe whatever they like, but this stuff is being taught as science to at least SOME students of at least SOME schools that receive SOME public funding. This does not bode well.

By the way, the title of this post is a reference to a "Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update" piece from a while back.

Bullycrap

Well! Been a while since the last few posts that got this blog rolling. I've been busy with all the many things involved in Being Me. Anyway, I warned you this thing might be inconsistent. I WARNED YOU ALL.

Anyway, sometimes it takes me a while to recognize an angle on a subject that's worth writing about. Case in point: this story which has been getting a lot of notice lately. It was a couple of days before I realized it happened in a suburb of my home city. I'd be happy to see Rochester making international news if it was for one of the many wonderful things about the city, but naturally, this story is sad. Still, it's interesting on a number of levels.

First of all, it hits home because I was bullied and teased when I was young - for being fat, odd, sensitive, physically and socially awkward, liking "Doctor Who", or any combination of those things. Of course, this has happened to many if not most of us. Often bullies are or have been the victims of bullies themselves. So, my own experience with the phenomenon is hardly unique, but there are times I still feel it keenly. (We'll return to this later.)

The story is also remarkable for the way it illustrates how bullying has, to a certain extent, been taken out of the private or semi-private context and into the public or semi-public realm. My bullies tended to confine their antics to the locker room, a corner of the classroom, or even between my school desk and theirs. (The better to avoid getting caught and reprimanded, which sometimes happened when I was in school, but may or may not be less likely now.) This event apparently got so much attention because the video got posted to YouTube. It's escaped the confines of the school bus and can be viewed by anyone (it made its way to THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET), and is on record and available for... well, if not for the ages, exactly, for a while. I've forgotten probably 95% of the abuse and insults piled on me in school - not so easy for those whose torments are preserved by electrons.

The thing that really made me decide to post about the event, though, is the larger issue of making fun. It's been said that all humor happens at someone else's expense. (Mel Brooks put it like this: "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.") I don't know if that's true ALL of the time, but goodness knows it's true much of the time. Most of us love a good laugh or a joke... sometimes even when it's directed at us. But where's the line between a joke and abuse? And how far out of the line of fire does a subject have to be for the shot not to be fatal?

For example, those of you who know me know I love "Mystery Science Theater 3000". It takes a common trope - making fun of movies and TV shows, often (but not necessarily) old and generally (but not necessarily) bad - and elevates it to the level of art, both high and low (and often somewhere in between.) Now, a movie can't be hurt by jokes, but the people who made it can. How should we feel knowing that some folks may see the movie they worked so hard on being laughed at on "MST3K" and take it personally. (Fortunately, some of the victims seem to be good-natured about it.)

I've developed something of a habit of riffing on TV and movies myself... sometimes inappropriately, I'll admit. However, I was moved to think about it when my girlfriend commented on a few examples, such as when I comment on how many of the "Real Housewives..." look and act like drag queens, or react in mock-horror at a particularly flamboyant hairdo. Is making fun of someone OK if they're not present to be the victim of it? Is it more acceptable if, like reality TV stars and people who post ridiculous Internet videos of themselves, they have put themselves in the public eye? What about when the subject isn't on TV, but in the "real" world (whatever that is.) Is it OK to make fun of someone behind their back, even if they'll never find out about it?

If you think I'm being overly sensitive about this, well, I'm not going to stop enjoying "MST3K" or doing my own riffing soon. But I want to know when what I do "all in fun" crosses the line. I don't like bullies or bullying - very much because of my own experiences but because I hate to see power being abused in general. (It's one reason I have been and remain a devoted "Doctor Who" fan: as one astute commentator has noted (scroll down to Part 4), among the many inspring things the Doctor does is stand up to bullies. If I'm going to be consistent in what I take a stand against, I have to identify it accurately, right?

I also wanted to discuss the larger question of how we respond to bullying. Even those of us who don't approve of it might suggest (constructively or not) that folks need to toughen up - find humor in, or at least accept, or foibles, and be more assertive in letting people know that we won't accept their abuse. However, there are limits to how tough one can get. I do think my own experiences helped thicken my skin somewhat, but I still have my issues (with body image, among other things), and sometimes a comment can hit us in an unexpected way and really smart. (They made fun of the women for having a son who committed suicide, for cryin' out loud!)

I'll also agree with those who say that bullies need to be called out and stood up to, by the community in general if not by authorities. (We do run the risk of repressing free expression if we squash talk we don't like.) (I finally saw "The Avengers" yesterday. There's a wonderful moment where the godlike supervillain commands a group to kneel before him. One old man refuses, insisting he will "never kneel to men like you." "There are no men like me," the villain answers. "There are ALWAYS men like you." I've gotten somwhat better at asserting myself to people who give me crap; I hope when opportunities arise to stand up for others, I have and will do so.)

However, there are also reports that the school bus bullies are being bullied. I hope the jerks learn their lesson, but is it OK to respond to jerkiness with jerkiness. (I know I've been guilty of that too.)

I do approve of one last interesting aspect of this. Lots of generous folks have ponied up dough to send to the bullied bus monitor -  not 'cause anyone made them, but 'cause they could. This kind of restorative justice is certainly not new, but I'd venture modern interconnectedness has made it easier than ever before. I hope Karen Klein uses it wisely to do some nice things for herself and others, and heals.

Your comments and discussion, as always, are invited...

The Human Egosystem: Personal Fauna and Flora

Fascinating news in this, possibly the most germ-phobic period in human history (and also news with some themes in common to my last post): scientists in the Human Microbiome Project have managed to catalog a representative sample of the microorganisms that live on and in the human body.

Each of us is our own mini-biosphere, carrying around an array of tiny life forms that not only depend on us for survival, but also often help us survive. For instance, some of the bacteria in our guts help us digest our food.

It's startling to think of yourself as kind of a mini-planet hosting a population of life forms, instead of (as some of us sometimes do) a mini-planet hosting one too many stored portions of cheesecake.

Compare this to the metaphor of the human mind being itself a kind of Universe, bounded and private yet also shared, through our many kinds of communication. Long before it was applied to amusing pictures on the Internet, Richard Dawkins coined the word meme to describe ideas which can be shared between memebers of a culture, as well as between cultures, and which may mutate in the sharing. He suggested the meme may have taken over for the gene as the primary driver of human evolution (since memes can be shared much faster than genes, and often better survive mutation.)

Every time two humans touch, they share their personal worlds. A kiss or a handshake can be an emigration, for better or worse. A sneeze can send countless tiny astronauts into the void, possibly to take up residence in some other human world. And when ideas are shared between humans, they can change Universes: the interior mental Universe as well as the real physical one.

We started sending radio waves into space long before we started sending artifacts and organisms. A memetic sneeze, flying out into the Universe. Someday, humans (or some other creature) may colonize alien worlds. We may have already sent viable bacteria into space on one of our probes. We've only seen a tiny portion of all the changes we can wreak.

Self-Involved / Self-Indulgent Post of the Week: Beer Good, Chiggers Bad

Benjamin Franklin once famously opined (or less famously didn't opine): "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

My skeptical nature sniffs disdainfully at the "God" part, but I'll go with it as metaphor: I love beer and am glad to have it.

Yesterday I had to perform a wetland compliance inspection on a training range at work. This involved about 4 1/2 hours of walking (around and back and forth across) this 200-odd acre range, taking photos and GPS points in late-spring Georgia heat and sun, often getting my feet soaked in dirty water ('cause wetlands). Besides the affectionate greeting of my girlfriend ("What did you bring me?!?"), the end of the day and home offered cool brew. I enjoyed a Tusker lager which my lady had grabbed for me while shopping (she really is generous and thoughtful.) It was new to me and I enjoyed its pale yellow color and crisp taste. I chased it with a Killian's Irish Red, a more mainstream but reliably satisfying choice with a richer flavor. Nothing like the complex interplay of grain and hop flavors (and a mild dose of alcohol), chilled to a degree undreamt of in old Ben's time, to soothe away the day's exertions.

Less welcome were the mementos of chiggers that I obviously encountered in the field. For those who don't know, chiggers are small arthropods related to ticks. Unlike their better-known cousins, though, chiggers have never (to the best of my knowledge) inspired a lovable comedy superhero. Also, instead of drinking your blood, they NO FOOLING EAT YOUR SKIN. I hate them.

"Well maybe we don't like you either, pal. Except your tasty dermis, that is."

The thing is that you can often find a tick and remove it before it embeds and starts feasting on your life-fluid. Chiggers are so tiny that you generally don't know you've been bitten until it's too late. "Too late" is when fluid-filled blisters appear on your skin, accompanied by a constant painful itch.

Some of you may remember me complaining last year (pre-blog) about a bad attack I suffered. This one's not quite so bad, concentrated mostly around my ankles. But yeah, not fun.

So, if there is a God, or gods, who take an interest in and influence human affairs, he (or she, or it, or they) must love us, 'cause we have beer, but also hate us, 'cause we have chiggers.

I did another compliance inspection today, which judging from the state of my lower legs meant more chiggers. Which means, tonight, more beer. Life is a constant balance. At least I haven't met a botfly
yet.

On the plus side, I've learned more about Blogger's sweet formatting features, including embedded links. Yay, me!

IT BEGINS...

So, yeah, this is it. That blog I've been talking about doing for a while. Like so many things in the early stages, it will take a while to find its stride. (Even "Star Trek: The Next Generation" didn't really get good until the third season.) Plus, those of you who know me understand I am consistently inconsistent about getting certain things done. Bear with me if it takes me a while to warm up to this blogging thing. (I've never even been able to keep a journal.)

Anyway, folks - we're living in Interesting Times. As the (possibly apocryphal) Chinese curse suggests, this may be both good and bad. Cultures and ideologies spread, mutate, and interbreed faster than they ever have before. This is stimulating and exciting, but can also cause a great deal of strife. We can fly around the world in a day, but some folks still have trouble getting a bus downtown (let alone a cab.) And, of course, we may be at a point where we ensure our species will be around for a long and happy future, or UTTERLY DOOMED.

This blog may be about anything and everything. I'm going to write about whatever I'm thinking of or interested in at the moment - whether it's in my own head or happening somewhere else in the Universe. Feel free to point me to topics you think I and/or other would find intriguing.

To start us off: a couple of related stories you may have heard about in the news recently. First of all, my current adopted state of Georgia may be about to drop its highway adoption program due to a tizzy about how to handle an application by the Ku Klux Klan: http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/06/13/uk-usa-georgia-kkk-idUSLNE85C00K20120613

http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/06/12/should-the-kkk-get-to-adopt-a-highway/
What do you do when a villain makes overtures towards philanthropy? (If Darth Vader left cookies in the Death Star break room, would you eat them?)

I have a Black girlfriend, so you can guess I'm no fan of the KKK, or of "hate groups" in general. However, I also think we have to allow people to express opinions, even when we find them repellent. Also, plenty of rural areas of Georgia could use whatever lift they can get. On the third (fourth?) hand, it would be terrible publicity for the state. (I heard that the stretch of road the Klan were interested in carried a lot of incoming traffic from South Carolina.)

About the same time as this story surfaced nationally, along came this one, which is enough to make your jaw drop and your eyes bug out, Tex Avery cartoon-style, in a delicious melange of shocked amusement:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/klu-klux-klan-protests-westboro-baptist-church-video/2011/05/31/AGgoiPFH_blog.html

Haters gonna hate haters. Interesting Times!